i care!

i work my ass off. i never stop. and i am more high strung than ever but i was in the shower yesterday morning and contrary to typical mornings, listening to music (not just any music)..fullblast-daydream oblivion was trying to overpower but i had so many realistic thoughts, and was somehow able to concentrate on standing using powerful legs, the water too hot-pounding my chest, brushing my teeth, foaming at the mouth, stood still then laid my head against the wall-thoughts frozen at this time. then slowly, it came to me-i want to be free and this was me, feeling free briefly. still anxiously content. deep breath...deeeeep breath. i guess every now and then i begin to feel completely confined. and i guess every now and then i need to open my eyes a little wider and realize that i am not the only one who feels this way and this exact thought is so freeing. and then i begin to feel so grateful for everyone i have and everything i have. and every thought i have. for my mind, if it was not what it was, who would i be? i am so grateful that my mind moves. that my heart moves and that my soul moves. i am grateful for my braaaain! how mislead i feel at times! but how faithful it is to me most often. my hands, my eyes and smiles. and my ears to hear and. my body. i am so grateful for it, i can use it!

i kinda like this, this is what my entire post would have looked like, had i let my computer take its freak out course:
in the shower i stand, toothbrush t. water is too hoower cutain and i'm in a trance and the tile and a shnded by subway i'm sur mouth butat hand, foaming at the

oh and the other day a fortune cookie told me that i should enjoy life while i can. :)

the beginning

first of all, know that I know that: i use periods in excess...and where i probably should not. also beware of my constant misuse of lowercase letters and my disrespect for capital letters. i do not care much for the shift bar. i also tell you in advance, IF i use capital letters, i am trying to MAKE a POINT. see? and when i am really excited, i will use some of these! !!! and maybe a :). i know, it is all SO wrong. but if you can accept this, you can choose to continue to read my blog throughout 2010 and we can be forever friends..if there is nothing else i am good at, i am a beautiful friend.

"KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON"

JANUARY!!! 2010

have you heard about the january blues? i keep hearing about them and reading about them. but i cannot relate to these blues of january. i think i had the mid-december blues but the january blues?-i HAVE not. thank you God. Oh that's another thing. I will give frequent shout outs to the Lord on my blog, i will try to keep this under control (and reverent) but he has been blessing 'the hell out of me' so frequently recently! i try to contain myself but get completely carried away in the contentment and excitement of my accepting His Glory, His Works, His everything. His plan. I LOVE His plan!

this year my play includes:

accepting the things i cannot change

creating AND KEEPING a blog!

(should this be an entirely new posting) i am new

i will stop eating animal products ENTIRELY-

or just give up on a vegan diet, i have not decided which yet.

allowing myself a cup of coffee and feeling just fine about "needing" it

accepting my curves
..
and i want to be consistent on using my actual, legal last name, also the name of my ex-husband:( and my daughter:) which makes me, Chloe Trevino. not Chloe Butterworth. i am ok with this. i am ok with this. I AM OK WITH THIS.

-penny for your thoughts?

"people keep telling me i fall in love too easily - that i should protect my heart,

that i shouldn't wear my heart on my sleeve.

i fall in love at least twenty times a day,

i fall in love with the sky and the sun and the flowers.

i fall in love with smiles, with music on the radio, and with french fries and dr. pepper,

i fall in love with the sound of laughter, blue jeans, accents...

sometimes i fall in love with complete strangers, especially the ones holding hands and kissing in public,

the ones who aren't afraid to be in love with the idea of being in love either...

i don't mind the pain of unrequited love so much,

because i think they're wrong.

love looks good on me."

natalie ann erianson

it is late and i am growing old. goodnight and good day. love, Chlo